About Me

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South Africa
As one of the last single girls in my circle of women, I wanna load the world with true stories... Opening Pandora's box!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

This one goes out to the one I love!


I have been dating for what seems like forever and have been sorely disappointed and gravely hurt. And many will feel that this is my reason for remaining forever single. Even I thought this. I put it down to fear of pain and rejection. What I was not admitting to was that every man I have ever dated never had the ability to love me the way I wanted or needed.

My very recent failure of a relationship was a challenge to begin with, but here was a man who treated me with so much respect and had so much love for me that I was overwhelmed. Yes, yes, yes I also put it down tot he fact that it’s difficult for us girls, use to the abuse of the bad boys, to accept love of this magnitude. This, I fear, was not the case. The love I had for him was real to the extent where I was willing to hang up my letter “S” and live semi happily after as society dictates. I tricked myself! So many people around me thought that being on my own was making me unhappy and me, like a prize idiot, believed them. Thus my search has lead me to many meaningless encounters and one almost real relationship.

After a very short while with this man, I felt my life changing and the decisions I was making contradicting what I ultimately wanted for myself. And I became extremely unpleasant and unhappy. I stuck it out for months and forced myself to find happiness in the mundane acts of a relationship. And then just before walking away, I realized it was ME vs. US. I was sad and unhappy!
I had to think about what he wanted to do and what he wanted to eat, where he wanted to go and the kind of sex he wanted and to be considerate to his needs. Its all too much for a self absorbed cynically morbid woman like me. I know it all sounds so trivial, but this is my HAPPY! I have already spent nearly all of my life considering other’s needs and wants and excluding my own. Was I about to spend the rest of it doing the same? OH NO!!
Consider me selfish or bitter or any other creative box you would like to put me in, but I know that this time right now and for a moer of a long time, this time is mine. My love affair with myself has already started and is flourishing, with very little compromise. We love the same food and smoke the same cigs and we have learnt to treat each other with respect. It’s a love that can be challenged from time to time, but a love worth fighting for. And in the words of Michael Masser and Linda Creed "The greatest love of all is happening me; I found the greatest love of all inside of me!"

No one has topped that feeling of happiness when sitting on the beach with my favourite book wondering what tomorrow’s adventure is going to teach me.
My worth has been discovered, by none other than me. Its only a recent affair, but its 31 years in the making and I'm not about to squander it for a space taking, pee standing penis minder with a lazy non kitchen cleaning attitude!