Bit my lip badly yesterday and its super sore, but I find myself rubbing my tongue against it and slightly grazing my teeth on it to make myself flinch from the discomfort. And just as I am constantly pestering my physical wounds I do so with my emotional.
Sending an email after he does not show up for a date…
Becoming friends with him after dropping on and off the radar at random moments…
Responding to sms’ after finding out he is married…
Welcoming him back into my life after he left me to raise my son alone…
Seems there is a bit of a pattern developing here! And as I’m sitting her writing this I’m thinking “Yor Megs catch a wake up!!”
My friends come to me with all their stories and my most common advice to them is “Leave the vark”. My friends know that I don’t take kak and don’t make excuses for the assholes that treat you kak! Big Bek will tell anyone to piss off and advise my friends of doing the same. I force them to be harsh towards the people that have caused them the most harm. Yet I have the longest history of giving second chances! Mostly because I am slightly older than all of my friends (not put together). Without explanation to them or anyone, not even myself. It pisses me off to see my loved ones in pain because there is nothing I can do to help. How about me? What about my pain? How do I stand up for myself after being abused, neglected and rejected?I don’t that’s what I do.
So I am hoping this little realization does 3 things
- Make me realize that I have to love myself enough to not want to see myself in pain
- Not be so hard on my friends and their choices
- End my self-destructing relationships once and for all!
"We don’t mean to remain in pain, but if it’s all we know then what else can a self loathing writer of blogs do?"
